Breaking Cycles in Real Time: The Courage to Disrupt What Harmed You
At the Trauma Disruptor Coalition (TDC), we often say that healing is not only personal, it is generational. To heal yourself is to begin rewriting a story that has likely been passed down, often unknowingly, for decades. Whether it’s yelling, stonewalling, people-pleasing, or chronic avoidance, many of our go-to behaviors were once survival strategies modeled or inherited in childhood. But they are not destiny. They are habits of protection—and they can be interrupted.
Interrupting a generational pattern doesn’t always look heroic. Sometimes, it looks like this: a father, who grew up being hit when he made mistakes, pausing to take three deep breaths before responding to his toddler’s tantrum. Or a mother who was taught to swallow her needs learning to say, "That doesn't work for me," without apology. These moments may appear small, but they are tectonic shifts.
Neuroscience confirms the significance of these choices. The limbic system, responsible for our emotional responses and memory, is shaped heavily by early experiences. When a person experiences trauma or chronic stress in childhood, their brain learns to respond to the world with heightened alertness and defensive reactions (Teicher & Samson, 2016). The good news is that the brain is not fixed. Thanks to neuroplasticity, new patterns of behavior, especially those grounded in emotional safety and intentionality, can be created throughout our lives (Siegel, 2012).
These new patterns don’t emerge automatically. They must be practiced repeatedly. Charles Duhigg, in The Power of Habit, explains that habit loops consist of a cue, routine, and reward. For example, the cue might be your child slamming a door. The old routine could be yelling. The new routine? Grounding yourself with a breath and responding calmly. Over time, that new loop becomes your default. The brain learns safety.
This isn’t just psychological—it’s biological. Studies in epigenetics have shown that trauma can affect gene expression, often through the stress hormone cortisol. But healing interventions—such as therapy, mindfulness, and safe relationships—can actually reverse some of these effects, altering the way genes are expressed in future generations (Yehuda et al., 2016).
This is the sacred work of cycle-breaking. It echoes through parenting, leadership, and partnership. Consider this: a leader who was raised in a home where conflict was dangerous might avoid hard conversations at work. But through inner work and somatic regulation, they learn to stay present during discomfort. That shift creates psychological safety for their team. Or imagine a partner, once afraid to be vulnerable because vulnerability meant rejection, learning to say, "I need you right now."
Every time we choose connection over reactivity, awareness over autopilot, we are planting something new. We are not erasing the past—we are choosing to respond to it differently. And in doing so, we make space for new futures.
As Resmaa Menakem writes in My Grandmother’s Hands, "Healing does not happen in your head. It happens in your body, and it can ripple into the bodies of others." That’s the miracle of interrupting cycles in real time: we change not only what is possible for us, but for those who come after us.
References
Duhigg, C. (2012). The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business. Random House.
Siegel, D. J. (2012). The Developing Mind: How Relationships and the Brain Interact to Shape Who We Are. Guilford Press.
Teicher, M. H., & Samson, J. A. (2016). Annual Research Review: Enduring neurobiological effects of childhood abuse and neglect. Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry, 57(3), 241-266.
Yehuda, R., Daskalakis, N. P., Desarnaud, F., et al. (2016). Epigenetic biomarkers as predictors and correlates of symptom improvement following psychotherapy in combat veterans with PTSD. Frontiers in Psychiatry, 7, 195.
Menakem, R. (2017). My Grandmother's Hands: Racialized Trauma and the Pathway to Mending Our Hearts and Bodies. Central Recovery Press.