Healing Through Attachment: God, Relationships, and the Science of Connection
At the heart of all human relationships lies the foundational principle of attachment. From the moment we are born, we are wired to form deep, emotional connections with others. These bonds, especially those with our caregivers, profoundly shape how we see the world, ourselves, and even God. Our attachment styles—the ways we form and maintain emotional bonds—impact how we engage with our loved ones and with the divine. Understanding these attachment styles, rooted in both science and Scripture, offers a powerful path to healing, not just for individuals, but for communities as well.
The Science of Attachment
Attachment theory, first developed by John Bowlby and later expanded by Mary Ainsworth, emphasizes the critical importance of early emotional bonds. The science tells us that how we are loved, cared for, and responded to in our earliest relationships deeply influences how we approach relationships throughout our lives. As Dr. Curt Thompson, a psychiatrist specializing in the neurobiology of attachment, explains, “The brain is designed to be relational. Our relationships are the context in which we either thrive or fall into survival mode.”
Research shows that securely attached children grow up to be resilient, empathetic, and emotionally intelligent adults. In contrast, those with insecure attachment styles—whether anxious, avoidant, or disorganized—are more likely to struggle with emotional regulation, trust, and intimacy. These patterns can impact every relationship, from romantic partnerships to friendships and, most profoundly, our relationship with God.
Attachment and Our Relationship with God
In the Christian faith, God is often depicted as a loving parent, a constant and unchanging source of care. Scripture presents God as one who is near, who nurtures, and who responds to the needs of His children. Yet, for many, the ability to experience God’s love as secure and unconditional can be hindered by early attachment experiences. The ways in which we were loved—or not loved—by our earthly parents influence how we view God and how we believe He loves us.
In the Bible, Jesus teaches us about the nature of God’s love in Matthew 7:9-11:
"Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask Him!"
This verse illustrates that God’s love is not conditional or based on performance; it is the very essence of a healthy attachment. But for those with insecure attachment styles, the challenge is to internalize this truth—that God’s love is unwavering and safe.
Curt Thompson writes, “We must first learn how to be loved by people in order to know how to be loved by God. Our relationships—whether with our parents, spouses, or friends—serve as the training ground for experiencing divine love. The truth is, God already loves us; the issue is whether we can accept that love.” This principal guides AGCI’s work with children and caregivers. We believe in the power of the Holy Spirit and God’s healing, coupled with healthy human relationships is the combination that makes our direct care services so profound in people’s healing journey’s.
AGCI's Commitment: One safe and resilient adult for every child
At All God's Children International (AGCI), we understand the profound impact a child's attachment figures have on their future. Our work is centered around supporting the adults in a child's life—be they parents, caregivers, or community leaders—to experience their own healing and growth. This focus on adult healing is rooted in our belief that children’s success, resilience, and ability to combat trauma are directly influenced by the secure attachment relationships they experience with their caregivers.
Research underscores the importance of this approach. Studies show that when a child has a strong, healthy attachment to a primary caregiver, they are better equipped to handle adversity and trauma. Secure attachment provides a buffer against the damaging effects of neglect, abuse, and violence, as well as the cycle of poverty and substance abuse. A child who grows up with a secure attachment is more likely to perform well academically, form healthy relationships, and break free from the cycles of trauma that often perpetuate across generations.
When caregivers—whether parents, foster parents, or mentors—are equipped with tools for healing their own attachment wounds, they can create environments of safety, stability, and love for the children in their care. This, in turn, disrupts the cycle of trauma and empowers children to thrive, no matter their background.
The Impact of Attachment on Our Relationships
Our attachment patterns profoundly affect not only our relationship with God but also how we engage with others. People with secure attachment are generally more comfortable with intimacy, are more resilient to challenges, and find it easier to trust. On the other hand, those with insecure attachment styles—whether avoidant, ambivalent, or disorganized—may struggle with intimacy, fear rejection, or have difficulty trusting others.
These relational patterns also play out in the way we relate to God. Anxious attachment may cause individuals to feel God’s love as inconsistent, leading to an overdependence on emotional reassurances. Avoidant attachment may result in distancing from God, believing that God’s love is impersonal or conditional. Disorganized attachment, often a result of trauma, can lead to a chaotic, fluctuating relationship with God, mirroring the inconsistencies of earlier attachment experiences.
In Romans 8:15–16, we are reminded of our secure relationship with God: "The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by Him we cry, 'Abba, Father.' The Spirit Himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children."
This passage affirms that God desires to have a secure and intimate relationship with His people, free from fear and doubt. Yet, for many, fear and insecurity in their earthly relationships can spill over into their spiritual life, making it difficult to accept God’s love as secure.
Moving Toward Healing: Creating Secure Attachments
Healing from attachment wounds—whether from family, past relationships, or early trauma—is a journey, but it is a journey that can lead to profound transformation. The first step in this healing process is recognizing the power of secure attachment. Dr. Curt Thompson emphasizes that the path to healing involves building relationships where we can practice receiving love—both from others and from God.
Thompson writes, “In order for us to heal, we must first be seen, known, and loved by another. This process requires vulnerability and the willingness to let others into the deepest parts of our story. Only then can we truly begin to trust God’s love in the way He desires us to.”
In Ephesians 3:16–19, Paul prays for the church to experience the fullness of God’s love:
"I pray that out of His glorious riches He may strengthen you with power through His Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God."
This passage speaks to the desire of God for His people to be rooted and established in love, experiencing His love in ways that transform our hearts and, ultimately, our relationships. Secure attachment, both in human relationships and in our relationship with God, is the foundation for this transformation.
Practical Steps Toward Secure Attachment
Seek Therapy or Counseling: Working with a trauma-informed therapist can help unpack attachment wounds and begin the process of healing. Secure attachment is formed in relationships that offer safety, consistency, and empathy.
Develop Healthy Relationships: Surround yourself with people who model secure attachment—those who are dependable, responsive, and empathetic. These relationships can help create a secure environment in which healing can take place.
Engage in Spiritual Practices: Regular prayer, meditation, and Scripture reading can deepen your awareness of God’s consistent love. Allow yourself to experience His presence in a tangible way that reinforces a sense of security and peace.
Practice Vulnerability: Attachment healing requires vulnerability. Begin by allowing yourself to be seen by others, and, in turn, allow yourself to be seen and known by God. This openness invites healing and deepens your connection with Him.
Conclusion
Attachment theory offers profound insight into the way we relate to others and to God. Understanding the science behind our relational patterns and integrating the truths of Scripture can guide us toward healing and wholeness. Just as God longs for us to experience His love fully, we are invited to form secure attachments with others and with Him—ultimately disrupting cycles of hurt and replacing them with cycles of healing, connection, and growth.
As Curt Thompson so eloquently states, “We are not meant to do this alone. God designed us for connection, and in our relationships, we find the capacity to be healed and to heal others.”