Friends Through It All: How Committed Relationships Heal Trauma

By the time she was six years old, the adults in Victoria’s* life had let her down. 

Victoria suffered neglect and abuse instead of experiencing a childhood full of fun and nurturing. Trauma had entered her story and made attachment difficult. 

Instead of being supported in the arms of loving caregivers, the Colombian welfare system became Victoria’s home. She arrived with her siblings and a hopeful plan for reunification with her mother, but eventually she realized that return wouldn’t happen… 

Her mother lacked the resources needed to fulfill the reunification plan.

Her siblings ran away from the care program. 

Victoria was now alone.  

If you were this her, would you trust anyone? Would you think people cared about your needs?

Trauma has a way of dismantling sense of self and family.  

A few years later, something changed…

Living in an institution, Victoria began to gravitate toward another little girl around her age, Julieta*, who also liked to play with Barbies. Casual chats started building their friendship. 

A deep bond formed through the “same” moments: 

• ‘I had to go away when I was six because my family hurt me and didn’t take care of me.’ Same. 

• ‘My mom was supposed to come back to take me home, but she never did.’ Same.  

• ‘I had brothers and sisters who lived here too, but they ran away and left me all alone.’ Same. 

• ‘I don’t feel as alone when I’m playing with you.’ Same. 

Finding a friend among the 70,000 children in the Colombian welfare system seemed a divine gift.   

Psychologists look at this bond and say Victoria and Julieta’s friendship probably buffered them from some of the negative impacts of their stressful ‘home’ environment. The gift of friendship allowed them to experience a healthy relationship, for the first time in their lives. 

Lucky for Victoria, the two girls remained in the same residential care location until they aged out at 18. 

At that point, they weren’t just best friends. They were the closest thing to family each other had—the only relationship that had lasted most of their lives. 

Victoria had a friend for life, committed to stay when others had left. Committed to know deeply when others didn’t give the time or attention. Committed to accept one another, flaws and all. It was a beautiful, transformative relationship. 

Even with a best friend, of course the two still emerged into young adulthood with pain and trauma. People can’t heal on their own. 

At 23, Victoria and Julieta both enrolled in a university program and moved into the AGCI & Tim Tebow Foundation House of Hope in Bogotá, Colombia. Here, two dozen young women can express and explore their pasts and identities, strengthen their academic and vocational skills, and build a support network that prepares them for full independent living. 

Living with other young women who understand you and don’t judge you for your past is a refuge. A safe haven for those who have experienced early childhood trauma. 

In this safe haven called the House of Hope, Victoria’s friendship with Julieta quickly became an inspiration to the other young women living in the home.  

At first, Victoria kept to herself if she wasn’t with Julieta. She wasn’t expressive or open to other relationships. She felt resentful about her past and grew quickly frustrated. 

Victoria had a vision for her future—she wanted to become a makeup artist. But she didn’t yet have an imagination for community outside of Julieta.  

Thankfully, along with housemates with similar backgrounds, the House of Hope also provided a context where Victoria could re-learn how to trust adults—those who merited her trust by being available, listening well, showing compassion, being safe, and following through.  

These trauma-wise staff members work on their own personal healing, too. 

“AGCI changed my life,” one caregiver shares. “AGCI has taught me the importance of leading from a place of empathy and curiosity. Out of my healing, I am able to better connect and help lead others to a place of healing, too." 

As Victoria began to explore her story and receive authentic care and support, something happened: her heart expanded. Her circle expanded. Her healing expanded.  

“Victoria is now known for the way she can give herself to others in relationships,” remarks another caregiver. “Equally, she’s learned to allow housemates and staff to give themselves to her—becoming like family for her.” 

Through these new relationships,  

Most significantly, Victoria graduated with a large circle of support around her, including Julieta (of course), as well as staff and other peers from the House of Hope. 

The community who loved her had set her on a path of healing. Want to hear it in her own words? Listen here.  

Translation:  

“I want to thank all the people who supported me on this special day, on this achievement that I have just accomplished.  

Also, thank you Hollen, those who have us in their hearts, and all those who support us and help us on our journey.  

I also thank God for the work done by the team, who are always there for me.” 

To those like you who have Victoria and Julieta in their hearts: thank you for joining the heal. Thank you for being part of the Trauma Disruptor Coalition. Stay in touch! 

*Names changed to protect privacy.